I ran into an interesting concept while reading The Restless Executive: Reclaim Your Values, Love What You Do and Lead with Purpose by career coach Jo Simpson. The concept is The Triangle of Self-Leadership.

The Triangle of Self Leadership has 3 sides:

• Self-Care: You (apply your value) to You
• Service: You (apply your value) to Others
• Surrender: Others (apply your value) to You (or not as the case may be).

The theory is that if you are doing a good job of applying your values to yourself (Self-Care) and to others (Service) then it won’t bother you as much when others don’t live up to or apply your values themselves (Surrender). Using the example in the book, if you value recognition and you are not doing a good job of recognizing yourself (Self-Care) and others (Service) then it will bother you A LOT when others don’t recognize  you or others. You control the first 2 sides of the triangle. The question is, are you.

I was able to use this concept to diagnose the source of one of my frustrations (around my one of my values) and take steps to correct it. I did a good job of apply this particular value to others (Service) but had been neglecting to honor the value for myself (Self-Care). Once I started honoring the value for myself (Self-Care), I was able to more calmly accept when others did not honor that value (Surrender).

If you decide to buy the hardcover, this section starts on 116.